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November 2011

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counting on someone to be unreliable

Today and Gabe and I were supposed to go to my staff barbecue. However, he sent me a text saying he was sick and that he would not go. It`s fine, I guess, but I spent $20 yesterday on baking goods for him to make something for the barbecue. He has the dessert, and he offered to come out here and bring it to me, but he then changed his mind. It would have been complicated to arrange, anyway. He elaborated on how he felt; he feels nauseous, which he attributes to a lack of sleep. I`m disappointed that he wouldn`t show up because I was looking forward to seeing him, but the more I thought about it, the more I came to think about what`s stopping him from getting enough sleep. For one thing, he doesn`t allow himself to have a consistent sleep schedule like most people. As a result of this, he`s tired all the time, he`s now sick, and he can never commit to what he plans with me. I want him to get enough sleep, but he needs to ensure that for himself. Clearly his choice to sleep on an inconsistent schedule is detrimental to his health and to my patience. His flaky behaviour has become very frustrating to bear, and today it became more than just me going to the barbecue by myself. Now I have to find the time to go buy more food with the little money I have instead of using that time to work on my school district applications. It`s come to the point where I don`t have any faith that we`ll see each other and follow through with what we planned anymore. I don`t want to spend my time and effort arranging for things to do when they always fall through because he doesn`t allow himself to have enough sleep. Had he stuck to a sleep schedule and told me about, I would make plans for the time I knew he would be awake and rested. He`s become very unreliable, and this is a trait I do not find attractive.

At some point either tonight or tomorrow I will mention this to him. I want him to find some sort of solution to this because it`s become quite a problem for both of us. I just need to calm down. If I were to talk to him now, I know things wouldn`t go well. I`m quite frustrated, at the moment. I`m tempted to go ahead and make other plans for the weekend without him, but that would suck too because I like seeing Gabe.


I agree, there is nothing worse than people that make you do all the work and are flaky.

That being said, here is another point to consider.

Consider the fact that he might not change. This might be the way he is. I agree that talking to him is a good way to go. Communication is always a good thing.

If you have talked it over and over and you find yourself nagging, the only thing that you can do is not depend on him. Take a step back and see if you are willing to put up with this. Also notice that most of the time, people set themselves up for disappointment. They expect something when they know that the opposite is likely to happen.

I know you are a planner, and that will be hard for you. So that's why the question is, "Is it worth it?"

I don't know Gabe, and I am not shooting him down. This is just what I think from what you have recited in your last posts.
It is possible he may not change. I`ve dealt with men like that. I`m pretty accommodating, but I haven`t come across significant others like that. I wasn`t completely perfect in this situation either; I get upset when our plans are ruined, even if I should be understanding of his circumstances.

I did mention to him that if he wants to continue on like this, then he could, but that I would be less likely to invite him to do things. I would also be less likely to wait around for him if he late for something, to chase after him, and to see him if he was planning on sleeping (this refers to him sleeping in when he was supposed to meet me at Nanaimo to show me his new place). He doesn`t seem too happy with this result; he`s taking it as if I don`t want to see him, but I`m not left with much of a choice. I don`t want to simply deal with it because it would be unfair to me. All I can do is not on him because he hasn`t illustrated to me that I can. If I can deal with that, awesome. If not, then I`ll have things to consider.