I`ve gotten in contact with Lucy, which good because she`s great at giving advice when it comes to finding work within school districts. She`s also great at giving me support, which is something I need. My mom hit the nail on the head when she said difficulties when finding work acts as a statement on your worth. These struggles are very discouraging and I`m finding it difficult not to take things personally. Compounded on how I felt after my argument with Gabe (or with significant others in general), it has me feeling quite low about myself. Things are resolved between Gabe and I right now, however, I take arguments pretty bad. I don`t really want to go into this because it would be a very long story, but know that these negative feelings I get after arguments aren`t restricted to Gabe. It`s not even restricted to intimate relationships either, but now that drama days of high school have passed, I don`t get these low feelings of self in any sort of conflict with friends anymore. Either way, my last argument with Gabe gave me something to really think about. I don`t want to go into too much detail about it - I don`t want to reveal too much about myself, after all - but I will be making a trip to my doctor.
The problem with getting into the habit of not expecting things to always work out is that it prevents me from getting excited about things. I like looking forward to things. It makes the act of whatever I wanted to happen feel all the more awesome when it does happen. I feel more pessimistic at the thought of not expecting things to happen. At the same time, I can take things not working out well poorly because of the built up excitement I gave myself, and I hated the feeling of coping or dealing with it, so I suppose this new attitude is for the better.
Kara booked tickets to see Ladytron in September. That is something I can`t help but be excited about.