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November 2011

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castling

Today I declined an interview for an out-of-school care position on Granville Island. While I am still looking for work, the place would be too far. If I were to get a second job at an out-of-school care it would be alongside my job at my current out-of-school care in Coquitlam. Traveling between the two places would be too difficult. If anything, this helped me figure out my plans even further. I would take a teaching job anywhere because if I got that job it would be full-time, so I could easily move to the area of where I work.

I`ve gotten in contact with Lucy, which good because she`s great at giving advice when it comes to finding work within school districts. She`s also great at giving me support, which is something I need. My mom hit the nail on the head when she said difficulties when finding work acts as a statement on your worth. These struggles are very discouraging and I`m finding it difficult not to take things personally. Compounded on how I felt after my argument with Gabe (or with significant others in general), it has me feeling quite low about myself. Things are resolved between Gabe and I right now, however, I take arguments pretty bad. I don`t really want to go into this because it would be a very long story, but know that these negative feelings I get after arguments aren`t restricted to Gabe. It`s not even restricted to intimate relationships either, but now that drama days of high school have passed, I don`t get these low feelings of self in any sort of conflict with friends anymore. Either way, my last argument with Gabe gave me something to really think about. I don`t want to go into too much detail about it - I don`t want to reveal too much about myself, after all - but I will be making a trip to my doctor.

The problem with getting into the habit of not expecting things to always work out is that it prevents me from getting excited about things. I like looking forward to things. It makes the act of whatever I wanted to happen feel all the more awesome when it does happen. I feel more pessimistic at the thought of not expecting things to happen. At the same time, I can take things not working out well poorly because of the built up excitement I gave myself, and I hated the feeling of coping or dealing with it, so I suppose this new attitude is for the better.

Kara booked tickets to see Ladytron in September. That is something I can`t help but be excited about.

Comments

I hope you strike a good balance with excitement/optimism and what I guess you feel is neutral realism....letdowns can suck when you expect good things and are met with ho-hum. I try to be excited for the unknown- the question marks and blank spaces yet to be filled...and try not to fill the spaces in with my imagination too much because that's where I've found my threshold of disappointment lies.

I hope things work out for you in all spheres- you can always text me and I'll give you a call if I can- it'd be so great to hear your voice :)